Do you resolve? Is that even a proper way to use that word? What I mean is…do you set resolutions AND stick to them? Are you a better (insert word here) now than you were on Dec 31, 2011? I try to set resolutions all the time, not just with the new year. But I am just like everyone else too…I do set New Year’s resolutions and I rarely stick to them! It’s the same every year….loose weight, get in shape (is round not a shape anymore? How about apple? Or pear? I’m more of a bakery….get it?…rolls and muffins! Ha ha ha!!!), quit smoking (I DID actually achieve this one almost 2 years ago!!)…blah blah blah. Same old resolutions that I am just going to fail at! Looking back over my year, I am reflecting on what has happened and how I felt(feel). It seems like a blur…as if I wasn’t really there. I am surprised at some of the stuff I have done! I took 3 trips this year but feel like I didn’t go anywhere! Vegas in Feb, Montana in June/July, and Denver in Oct…but I don’t feel like I was really “there”…if that makes any sense. I completed another full year of nursing school last year, and my last FULL year of school! Nursing school has taken a lot out of me. I don’t really notice at the time because I am so busy that I rarely have time to notice anything! But looking back I can see the change in me…and I really don’t like it! Before, any trip I went on would have had my full undivided attention. I would have been there both mentally and physically! Since I have been in school there has been a part of me that is always here…fretting about an exam, worrying that I didn’t order my books in time, thinking about all I need to get done before (insert deadline). Even now that I am on break and am going into my last nursing class, with no clinicals to worry about, I still am thinking about school and having nightmares that my exit exam was moved up and I didn’t have enough time to study for it! My mind has been preoccupied with school for 3 years and I feel like I have been missing out on life! Even when I am there to experience it (physically), I am not fully there (mentally) to enjoy it. I was shocked to see the trips I took this year because I vaguely remember them! They feel so far away in my memory…as if it was years ago rather than months! I’m mentally tired….and I’m tired of missing out on the enjoyment of life! I will be so glad to be done with school! Sure I will still have to worry about passing NCLEX, then there is the move, and finding a job…but those are all short-term stressors that I can just approach, jump over, and be done with. Nothing like school that totally sucks the life out of me! I feel like a robot–> homework, study, exam, repeat…..60 million times!! Have I said how glad I will be to be graduating in February?!!! So…resolutions. I’m not going to do the typical resolutions this year. Nope, this year I am doing some small (attainable) resolutions to try to decompress and get my “me” back! I want to enjoy my time off again…enjoy trips, company, LIFE! I want to be “here” in the present and not wake up wondering how I got to Christmas because last I checked it was Sept 1st! I need to stress out less…. The last time I can remember being totally present…without the “fog” that I always feel I am in….was in Jan 2010…right after I got out of the hospital. Things that were a “big deal” and would stress me out, suddenly were just minor details…no big deal. The fog was lifted, however briefly, and I felt awake for the first time in a long time. And I haven’t really felt that way since. I want to get that back! I want to wake up in the morning and enjoy the shade of the sky that day, savor my coffee and just enjoy taking a deep breath and being thankful that I woke up! This droning through one task just to drone through the next one is not living. I don’t know how to fix it…I don’t know if it’s stress, my eating (or non-eating), or anything else, but I am determined to get it back! So…now to my list. Little changes that will hopefully make a BIG difference:

1. Walk my dogs at least 3 times/week. Often the dog walk is the first thing to get procrastinated out of my day.
2. Take my damn vitamins!!! 
3. Drink a Green Monster at least 4 days a week. I found a good recipe that makes it taste delish and still gives you all the nutrients here.
4. Cut down on artificial sweeteners (this does not mean to go back to sugar tho…just to give up the diet sodas and water enhancers.)
5. Eat closer to the source. I would like to go total Paleo…but that will only happen if someone cooks it for me! lol! (Google if you have no idea what I’m referring to).
6. Do more of the activities that I enjoy and stop making excuses to not do them!! Like going for a drive, when was the last time I hiked?, going shooting (the photog kind…J is the gun kind).
7. Make more of an effort to spend “quality” time with people. I don’t remember the last time I went to breakfast or coffee with my sister…or “Sunday morning church!” She knows what I’m talking about! Need more dates with the hubby and less sitting at home in front of the paralyzer (TV)!